Sunday, May 4, 2008

I'll make your heart mine

Josh hadn't wanted to be there at the hospital when he saw Hannah and Freddie, but there they were to see Rhys. He couldn't believe it. Those two. Why?

Josh thought he'd choke. He couldn't bare to even stay in the building. He walked out into the muggy afternoon. Storms were coming.

"Wait!" Simon wasn't far behind. "Where are you going?" His hair blew about his face, and he looked as if he could be swallowed by the clouds if Josh let him.

Josh took his hand and bit his bottom lip. "I really don't want to talk about it." He felt a shiver run through him of doubt. He so wanted to forget Freddie, but he couldn't. It wasn't that easy.

"About what?" Simon was still innocent, so to speak, and for a moment, Josh was sure it would be the best thing for them if they split up. He knew Simon wouldn't want him if he knew the truth about Freddie.

"Its nothing." His eyes filled with tears. He hadn't exactly lied to Simon about his past, but he hadn't told the truth either. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Simon shook his head, no. "You can't be the blame for what happened to Rhys. You can't honestly think you could have changed his destiny, do you?"

Josh shook his head, no.

Josh turned away and walked on hugging himself. The clouds set in and the cold rain began to fall. Simon followed as they went into a little diner close to the hospital. Simon ordered the coffee and Josh still felt like crying.

"I don't know how to tell you," he fought back what emotion he could.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Simon stared back at him sadly as if he might cry too.

Josh shook his head, no. "You might want too."

"But I wouldn't." Simon squinted.

"But you would, if you'd known. If I'd told you, but I didn't. And then I'll have no one. But really, its you who I want." Josh sniffed.

"Josh, you're making this out to be something of a circus. Tell me what it is?" He kept his eyes on Josh as the waitress filled their cups with hot black coffee to ward of the chill.

"There was someone, before you." He could hardly spit it out. Josh bit at his upper lip.

"I see." Simon nodded. "Well, I always knew you were far more experienced than me."

"You did?" Josh was a little shocked that Simon would admit as much.

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist now does it, to know how little I know about being with anyone." He took Josh's hand then.

"I didn't want you to think-"

"Think what?"

"I'm really an awful person." Josh choked. "I was seeing him, then you came along. I was so sure I knew what I wanted, but then there was you, and we started really something brilliant. And then I got to thinking, maybe he was too old for me, anyhow. Its not like he's an old priest or anything. I wanted to be with someone my own age. I wanted to be with you."

"So you had sex with him?"

Josh nodded.

"Do you miss him?" Simon wanted to know. Josh caught his breath and shook his head, no.

"Was he who hit you?" Simon then prodded. Josh looked away. Simon squeezed Josh's hand.

1 comment:

Cate said...

did he HIT him? how awful...