Tuesday, April 22, 2008

now that its definitely over

Freddie didn't get out of bed until late evening. He was that distraught over his little moment of truth of what he'd seen in the park.

He had never felt as true with anyone as he had with Josh and now he felt himself come undone. There was no one he could trust now and it settled now in every limb in his body. He felt fat.

He couldn't even take a call from Nancy.

"You must have the bug going about." Spike told him who looked in on him occasionally.

"Just let it alone, will you," Freddie begged. He'd given up on ever wanting to see Josh again. He was now in his bad books.

He'd dreamed of Josh next to him. His warm skin next to his, but then he'd see Simon's smiling face. It disgusted him.

And then there was Josh. Looking in from his bedroom door. It was really him as if Simon was just a figment of the imagination.

"Are you well?" Josh came quickly touched his face, but Freddie scawled from him.

"How could you? You of all people?" Freddie felt like a blubbering idiot.

"What? Its not like that? It really isn't." Josh began to explain. "its so innocent. Its not like us. Not like that."

Just the thought of what Josh said made Freddie furious. He threw the covers off himself and got to his feet. "What are you trying to tell me?" Freddie winced. "What we have isn't good enough for you?"

"No, no, Freddie, thats not what I meant." Josh backed away. "I really hadn't meant for any of this with Simon, but then I got to thinking, maybe Mum and Dad wouldn't take it so badly if they knew I was him instead of you."

Freddie shook his head no, came at Josh with his fist, slammed his face in for the count. He left Josh in his room on the floor bleeding, but awake. "Get out of my face! Don't come back!" Freddie never wanted to lay eyes on Josh, again.

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