Monday, April 21, 2008

falling

Newt really didn't care who saw him cry. Of course, he'd spent the night alone in the park, and Frankie really hadn't given him a hard time about it, after all, as he suspected when he got home. She'd given him a hug instead, and he'd blubbered right into her bosom. He felt bad about leaving the wet marks, afterwards, but she let it go before he could dwell on the matter.

He was in a sad state. Not finding Lauren, nor winning her back. He really was a lost cause just like they always said. He kept thinking of every miserable thing he had ever been to anyone. It was enough to almost make him stop breathing, but instead he cried himself to sleep.

He dreamed of Lauren kissing Cecil instead of Sasha. And she'd been so cold, like an ice queen, perhaps more like Laleh when he found her out. She'd told him to kiss a boy. It might make him feel better.

The disturbing dream woke him. How could he have lost himself so in Lauren? He'd never done that with anyone. Not even Laleh. He knew at least to keep his wits about him when he was with her. In all it had been more like a practice or lessons learned when it came to the physical stuff, but Lauren had been his soul mate. It was that simple.

Of course, he really didn't believe in soul mates. That just wasn't feasible. But thats what they'd been. She felt more like a twin now to him. He clearly hated that thought. But even so, he'd lost her. Lost her for good. She wasn't coming back because she knew what a prat he really was. And maybe she'd known it for a long time, but could never completely let go. Until now. Even if he claimed to let go first.

He thought of themselves as keeping each other up in the clouds, but he'd let go first and somehow she had been able to hold herself up without him. She still held herself up. It was he who was falling.

He so hated falling in love.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful romantic chapter, I love it. Newt's emotions are so heroically dark and tragic. He clearly needs a hug... more than that he needs Lauren. I love the way you wrote this...
PinkyA
(from the official Hollyoaks Hollyfiction forum)