Simon was ignoring Josh, lately. He felt rather uncomfortable around Simon at school. And he hadn't wanted to pry anything out of him since the small kiss. Maybe Simon wasn't as gay as he thought he was. Or at least that was the conclusion Josh had come to.
But he didn't feel like saying "sorry" to him, anymore. He wanted to let it go. But now this. He said he'd go to Laleh's party with Simon. Of course, it was Newt who'd asked for Simon.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" He felt as if he'd gone around in circles with Simon, but here he was in Simon's room after work. Just the two of them in his tidy room with shelves of books and a thin bed. All in neutral colors.
"I said I did, didn't I." Simon couldn't even look him in the eye now.
"Don't get too excited about it," Josh sarcastically said.
"I didn't know." Simon finally said. "About you."
"What? That I'm gay?" Josh shot back at him. "I don't need to wear a badge, telling everyone. Its no one's business but my own, mate."
"Why did you let me go on and on about it?"
"Because, you've got this cause to be passionate about. And I don't." Now Josh looked away.
"Why not?" Simon squinted pulling his stringy blonde hair behind one ear and then the other as if he were dancing around Josh.
"I just can't. I don't know why. I don't have it in me to be a cheerleader, like you. What do you want?" Josh felt his chest ache. He felt rotten that he couldn't shout from the roof tops that he was gay.
"Do you even like me?" Simon asked.
"Yes." He did but wasn't sure he'd call him more than a mate.
"How can you even like me?" There was a tear in Simon's eye.
"Simon," Josh shook his head, no. He came closer, pulled his eye glasses off him. Then brushed his tear away and touched his cheek. "You're smart, good looks, fearless." He kissed him then, but slowly, and he thought for a second Simon might cut his upper lip, but it didn't stop him. He held on until Simon finally gave in and kissed him back.
They kissed more on Simon's bed. After all, it was good snog, perhaps a quaint cuddle in the aftermath. Josh wouldn't dare ask anymore from him. And Josh felt a little sad that he hadn't thought of Freddie, not once.