now i see you with him
it was nothing like i thought it'd be
i'll break down
now that we're done i'm so sorry
why did i lie i'm so sorry
i know i hurt you
i know i hurt you
God, he hated being happy. It was an emotion Newt didn't want to have. But there it was rushing through him. Yes, he had the library shelving job. He couldn't wait to tell Laleh the news. Couldn't wait. Just couldn't wait.
He felt alive as he ran through the park. If he'd had his skateboard it would have been even more amazing. And then he froze when he saw Lauren and Ian walking through the path by the pond.
Disgusting. He couldn't quite breathe now that he saw them. Why was she with him? Weren't they done yet? All so cozy. It really did make Newt angry. What did she see in that silly fool?
He wanted to tell her Ian was a puff. He still liked his "elephant boy" name best for Ian. Now that was a keeper.
Newt hid behind a tree and watched them. Finally they stopped half way into the park by the bench at the fountain and kissed. Newt sneered. That had to be the worst kiss ever. Had to be.
He sank behind the tree and watched them part. Finally, Lauren was alone. And he had to smile. This was his chance. "Make it work," he thought with a sly grin.
"So." it started with a so when he stepped out of the shadows. "You're really in love with him?"
"Why do you care?" Lauren hugged herself as she passed him. She wasn't going to stop.
"Hey, what are you running from?"
"You." She turned back to him.
"Look, I'm really really sorry if I hurt you." He put his hand out. Why did he want to kiss her so badly? "I didn't mean too."
"You hurt everyone." She didn't want to be touched.
"Except you." He put his arm around her. He could tell the longer he had his arm around her, the less resistance there seem to be. There. She was fine with it. She did want him back. He could sense it.
"What do you want, Newt?" She looked up at him.
"See if you're happy," he said. "I really don't think you are."
She wiggled her mouth a little. Bit her bottom lip. Finally she pressed her lips together, and thats when he went in for the kiss.
"What if I knew a place we could hide? Would you come with me?" He whispered in her ear. She shivered. He smiled. He knew that meant a yes.
He stepped away then, put his hands in his coat pockets. He motioned for her follow. He walked ahead as if there was business to take care of. As if they might have plans to knock off a shop in the village.
He wished he actually had a plan. Like a blanket and some candles to light at the old abandoned factory, but he didn't. Instead he stepped into the shadowy alcove near the bridge and pressed her against the grey bricks and began to kiss her neck then her mouth. There were moments he thought of Laleh and how she kissed. The kisses he was use to. Her mouth. Her tongue.
But this was Lauren. Whole different situation. She pushed back from the rush. As if she found it intimidating. As if he'd have to wait at her pace. Not someone else's.
He knew she hadn't really done anything with Ian. Not by the way she touched him. And he didn't offer to push her into anything she didn't want to do.
This was sweet. Her mouth on his neck, near his ear. She did this thing with her tongue. Or so he thought. The way she breathed into his ear tickled and made him hungry to be pressed to her closer. He wanted to be so much closer. So much he wanted to feel. He felt as if he were breaking. Breaking away, perhaps.
"That's enough." She finally breathed.
"OK," he breathed. He wanted to say, "Are you sure?" But he didn't. Instead he kept combing his fingers through her hair and breathing her sweet scent in deeply.
She said nothing more which didn't seem right. But he said nothing either as if they were two strangers now. He felt so empty when she pulled away and left him there in the dark.
Newt felt tears swelling up in his eyes, but he would not let them go. He still had to see Laleh.