John Paul felt horrible for drinking too much. He felt even more guilty for being with Quintin. Yet at the same time, it had somehow numbed him from the mistake with Kieron.
He just couldn't let Quintin know how he really felt. And he didn't.
First it was all the quant stuff, going through old records and cds. Talking about favorite movies. For a moment it felt like old times with Spike. And he had to admit, perhaps Quintin would have been perfect for Spike. He wouldn't say they were exactly alike, but they could definitely compliment each other. While John Paul felt he was going through the motions.
He felt sick inside of all the feelings he was holding in for Kieron. But somehow he'd manage. He'd cope. He kept telling himself.
"You might be the best thing that ever happened to me," he told Quintin later when they'd grinded there way into each other for the second time. Which John Paul felt sure was perhaps not as good as the first time, but it could have been worse. He might not have been up for it at all, except he was on his way to being plastered from all the beer. Yet, he'd become melancholy about Kieron and almost screamed out his name a time or two during the thrill of the night.
A part of him felt calaused as well. He wasn't sure if he'd ever find exactly what he was searching for. Even with Kieron. He kept telling himself that until he fell asleep in Quintin's bed.
Again, he dreamed of the lake and the water and falling deep into the bottomless pit. Thinking he might see, a lake monster, but instead, Kieron's first love.
He awoke as if he'd been drowning himself in the tub. Quintin was laying next to him naked. He was naked too. Goosebumps popped all over his skin. He shivered half sick.
Kieron wasn't going to give up being a priest for him. And he flinched with a tear in his eye. He licked his bottom lip and turned to Quintin. He needed him. Now.
Gently, he pried first with his hand and fingers to the one spot he knew where Quintin would take too. Quintin sighed half asleep. Half awake. He didn't fight back. Perhaps he was still in a dream state. Perhaps he'd think it was only a wet dream.
John Paul had to somehow release this toxic mess inside him. Perhaps cleanse himself of all the pain he'd felt for Kieron. No, he couldn't go back now. And he trembled with pleasure as he could sense Quintin's heartbeat melt around him. Finally he callasped on Quintin's taunt back. He breathed out a calm laugh.
Maybe there was life after Kieron.