Sunday, February 24, 2008

you could never publish my love

Wait there, just enough to see you smile.
I mixed up the distance of the miracle mile.

You could never publish my love
You could never publish my love
You could never publish my love
You could never publish my love

John Paul had no idea that Kieron even drove a car. What else had he not told him?

"No need to fear," Kieron looked over at him as they drove out of town in the sleek black sedan. "Mrs. Jasper always lets me borrow the car. She can't drive it anymore, as it is. Told her I'd have a holiday with it ever so often. The time has finally arrived."

"I don't know." He was having reservations about the whole affair now. Not that it had happened. "This isn't what I wanted. Really?"

"You'll see, a nice holiday out at the lake will do wonders for you mentally and spiritually." Kieron gave him a quick grin.

"If you say so." John Paul sighed, slightly nervous.

"Solitude is splendid, especially if you share it with someone."

John Paul bit his bottom lip, not sure where to go with that one. But the farther they got from the village, the more alienated and lost John Paul felt.

"Won't they know you here?" John Paul could feel it now. This would be trouble. Trouble from so many sides. And so many levels. Aside from the fact that Mum would be furious with him.

"Its not, if they know me by Kegan, now is it?"

"But isn't that a lie?" John Paul shot back. It was hard for him to get completely relaxed in the soft leather seats. This was a major sin he was undertaking.

"I have a brother who's in the states. Who never visits. We're just taking advantage of a cabin he never uses." Keiron kept his eye on the winding road.

"You have a brother?"

"My twin brother, actually. So all is good. Don't have a panic attack on me." He pulled into the cabin driveway then. "It'll be a lovely time. A time of leisure and of course, the outdoors. Could you want for anything more?"

Still John Paul felt a little shakey. Was he going up the same old road as he had with Craig? Would Kieron have a split personality just as Craig? Would he be sweet and tender one minute and a bully the next?

John Paul scratched the back of his head. Waited and watched Kieron gingerly get the key out and unlock the earthy door of the lodging.

"Well, come on." Kieron bounced back down the steps and grabbed John Paul's hand. He hesitated, but followed.

"Its a bit ancient, but it'll do." Kieron then lit a lattern.

First thing John Paul noticed was the antler chandler hanging from the ceiling. Then he looked over and saw a deer head on the wall with a large span of antlers. It made him think of the time when he was a kid and kept singing the "I'm horny" song which his mum put an end too. "You can't use that word. Only corny will do." She had snapped. But he'd only wanted horns to grow from his head, not corn.

He shuttered to think what she'd say now if she knew where he was. She so much love Father Kieron. And now this. This would be so wrong, wouldn't it?

But then he saw Kieron unbottoning his shirt, and John Paul couldn't help but to take it off. It was like a transformation of some kind, and thinking of his mum's words was down right nonscense.

Lust was supposedly and awful thing, but somehow it felt like music on his fingertips.

And he kept thinking how Kieron had some how found the good in him, especially, when Kieron did him the favor of pulling his long sleeve striped shirt over his head. There lips met and they kissed. Kieron unbuckled his belt.

"You'd look better with nothing on." Kieron promised. John Paul blinked and thought he was talking about himself.

It was at that moment John Paul knew there was no going back. What didn't kill him only made him stronger in the end. And he'd never felt this sort of strength with anyone else before.

It was already bliss just from Kieron's touch. He'd never remember anyone else quite the way he knew Kieron in the golden light. Naked.

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