Friday, February 22, 2008

personal Jesus


Put me to the test
Things on your chest
You need to confess
I will deliver
You know I'm a forgiver

Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith

Your own personal Jesus...

John Paul could feel Craig eating away at him after the phone call. Why did he call? He kept telling himself not to, but he did anyway.

Maybe he was having a bad week. A bad month. It hadn't helped with holding in all these feelings for Father Kieron. Didn't help that he'd kissed Josh, either.

He still found himself pacing his room. Was he out of his mind? How could one bloke make you not see straight. Make you crazy. And then to go so far as to kiss Josh. He still fought back tears.

Then there was Kieron. Did he have to put the Father in front of his name? John Paul was deliriously happy around him. Then at the fashion show. He thought he might break. Throw in a dare and John Paul was sure he had found the real thing. No more school boy crush. None of this stupid waiting around wondering who Craig was going to be today.

He didn't like being in that predicament. He didn't like anyone to have to be in that predicament. Poor Chloe. Was she completely clueless just like Sarah? He didn't have to meet Chloe in person to know what she was going through.

He so wanted to call her back and confess to her who the real Craig was. Not this down to earth lad who cared about her. Craig didn't. Craig was a selfish prat as far as John Paul was concerned.

But how come he felt like crap now after his phone call with Craig. He could barely keep it together without going off the deep end. He needed a walk. He needed to be alone in the dark.

"What's wrong?" Kieron asked when he came through the livingroom. "Something wrong?"

"I'm fine." John Paul couldn't face him. It wouldn't be right. He'd manage through this somehow. Maybe he'd have a drink, meet someone. Anyone. He couldn't stay in this house alone with Kieron.

"You're not in the right state. I can tell. We should talk." Kieron got up from his book and came closer. He was in everyday clothes. John Paul squinted a look. Imagined him shirtless. Imagined touching Kieron's flawless golden skin.

John Paul froze. He managed to shake his head, no.

"I insist. You're in no state to be alone. Especially, this late at night."

There was a tear in John Paul's left eye.

"I'll be fine." John Paul said coldly.

"No you won't. I'm coming with you."

John Paul sighed. Waited for Kieron to grab his coat, but not too long. John Paul knew he should leave without him.

"Wait," Kieron said once they got outside.

"What? You're going to comfort me, is that how it goes?" John Paul shoved his hands in his pocket and kept walking. Kieron sped his pace to keep up.

"You can tell me anything. Anything." Kieron grabbed his arm this time.

"What? That I can't seem to get over a selfish stick. That I find myself lying for when I don't even have too?" John Paul trembled.

"Lets walk for a while. You tell me everything. Everything. You know, I'm a good listener." Kieron touched his face then and gave him a long embrace.

John Paul couldn't help but to feel a slight comfort aside from the slight ache prodding him still.

They walked then into the lamp lit street toward the park. And John Paul told him everything about Craig then and now.

John Paul felt himself shivering at the park bench huddled with Kieron.

"You're a best mate, John Paul. You do know that, don't you? You are everything a good bloke needs to be," Kieron told him.

John Paul didn't want to believe him. "You deserve so much more than this Craig lad. He'll only bring you down in the end." Kieron put his arm around him. John Paul couldn't help to look at Kieron's beautiful face.

They kissed. John Paul suddenly felt warm breathing in Kieron and his rich spicy scent. John Paul smiled.

"I know a place we could go where no one will know us." Kieron finally said. He pulled away just then and shoved his hands in his coat. He got up and John Paul followed.

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