Saturday, February 16, 2008

no other way

Freddie couldn't stop thinking about Josh. He wished it wasn't so because he thought he might go mad.

He'd never seen someone so melancholy and sincere. It made him sad yet elated all in the same moment. It was hard to face Nathan now. He just couldn't do it anymore with him. Not if Nathan was going to continually compare him to Kris.

It was all disgusting. He might as well have been a piece of meat to gape at. It felt meaningless to be in a relationship so two sided with Nathan. It was hard to say it was over, especially, when he had no idea if Josh even fancied him, even a little. Freddie kept looking in the mirror hoping Josh didn't see him as just a pretty thing who only fancied himself over anyone else.

Aside from the Nancy matter that Newt brought up, there would always be a soft spot in his heart for her. If there was any woman he could take to, it would be her. The time, it had happened...he figured as much that she'd been too drunk to remember. It was just as well to keep mum about it but to see her with someone with likes of dreadful Jake.... What sort of spell had he put on her to do such a thing?

Maybe Hannah could shed some light on the situation. Aside from the fact, he knew about Hannah and Nancy. He could read the signs ages ago. He knew Nancy couldn't get enough of her, nor could Hannah not want to help Nancy. It was there. Maybe Hannah nor Nancy couldn't decipher it completely, but those were the two that belonged together.

Just maybe, maybe today would be the day he could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. Freddie decided to go to the Ashworth's house, but he wasn't telling Spike. He didn't want to hurt Spike, but as he could see nothing much had happened between Spike and Josh. And Freddie wanted to keep it that way.

Of course, it was Josh who answered the door. Freddie almost felt woozy then.

"Your sister or anyone else in?" Freddie tried to make his smile fade.

"No, just me," Josh said.

"Good." Freddie wanted to kiss him right then, but he told himself to wait. He gritted his teeth.

"What's up?" Josh might have been a waif of a boy, but still Freddie saw someone he could find happiness with.

"Seen Spike, lately? How's that going, anyway?" Freddie followed Josh into the livingroom where Josh showed him a seat, but he sat next to Josh on the sofa.

"Not so much, really." Josh shook his head, no. "I'm trying to sort it all out. He's being a might patient with me."

"Good, he's a right nice fellow that way," Freddie sighed wondering if he should step it up or play it cool.

"You and Nate?"

"Nothing." Freddie shook his head, no.

"Sorry."

"Things haven't been right with us in a long while." Freddie assured him. "I want to move on, you know."

"I guess I'm not good-" Josh frowned and hugged himself.

"Please, don't say anything bad about yourself. I won't have it." Freddie couldn't help but reach for him then, "Maybe its just as well, that nothing happened between you and Spike. Maybe you belong with someone else." He hugged him in a nurturing way.

"I've only kissed one person. Maybe I'm not...even...."

"You are lovely," Freddie promised, and he brushed the tears from Josh's cheek. He was sure he could handle something this fragile in spite of Spike or what anyone else might say. "I can't get you out of my system, I'm afraid. And I'm not drunk, Josh. I swear to it." He breathed Josh in with a soft kiss then. "You come to me when you're ready," he said when they heard someone on the steps and broke free.

Josh wasn't crying now, but he looked impossibly sad just the same, but he hadn't resisted. He hadn't turned away. He went to the kitchen then and gulped down a glass of water.

Just then Hannah came in tossing her keys on the table by the door.

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